sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
