I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
