Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
