why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
