So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Welp...herpes.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
