You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
