everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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