Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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