I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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