Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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