bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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