Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
