i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
