I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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