My nipple is on Facebook.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
