Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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