i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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