Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
