3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Dignity is for republicans.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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