Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
