my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I met the friendliest cop last night
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize