halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
