my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
