I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Boobs speak an international language.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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