Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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