I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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