Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
did you just send me my own nude
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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