If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
