I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
