At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
