and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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