So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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