I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
