dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
