I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
