You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
