Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
