8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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