Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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