Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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