Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
