I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
