I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
