So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
