There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
