I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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