yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
