i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
