At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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