I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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