Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
