The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
