Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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