guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
