so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
