You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
