how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
