and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
