Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
