You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
