i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
