I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
