I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize