That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
