Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
