saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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