none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There r osticjed everywhere
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
