So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
