Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
