Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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