She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
