I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize