New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He did a backflip because drugs
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
