She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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