So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
