is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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