I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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