he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
